Nonsense and Toys...

My favorite things. Lately, well I take that back because that would be false, I think a lot about who I am. I've been told its something that one never stops thinking about, especially those that are constantly creative through some means of art. I've been focusing on self portraits in my painting, picking at myself in my blogs, and diving into my childhood in my photography. All this thinking and creative flow about myself has made me think more (are you still following me on this) and I believe that I need to make a decision. Its clear that in order for any beginning there must first be an end, but I can't seem to decide how I should end this chapter. Should I kill/delete all of what once was, or should I accept that it is just another part of me, embrace it and live happily ever after with that part of me?

Also I'm still asking the why am I alone question despite my best efforts. Andy Warhol says that love is best when you can't have it, or something like that and perhaps he is right, but at the same time I wouldn't mind a bit of heart ache right now, if for no other reason than to get the weirdo buzzards off my back. You know the ones, they cackle "Why isn't she married yet?" "She'll always be around..." "Is she in the closet?" "She's the "uncle mike" of the family" behind my back.

Perhaps I'm just being paranoid, but I swear I hear those cackles and to set the record straight, I'm not married because I thought perhaps I should figure out a little bit about myself before I jumped into a relationship and going to school full time and working almost 40 hours doesn't allow for much time for courtships (do people even do that anymore?). I most certainly will not always be around (unless of course you need me). No I am not gay if I was I am comfortable enough with myself to come out about it. The one about uncle mike always kills me, I feel terrible for him, he's been alone his whole life, but at the same time he seems to be happy so who are they to judge him and make it seem like its a bad thing to be single?!

I think I'm going to start sketching more, keep a book in my large dying hand bag (why isn't pleather stronger?) I've started to write down my notes on printing enlargements and my photos have never looked better. I think I can advance my drawing techniques if I follow through with this plan I have. I stole it from the fauvists I believe, but I have quite the imagination and if I sketch what I see perhaps some good might come from it.

I need to go to bed now, I have an 8am art history class, and I slept through Monday's class.

That was my attempt at stream of consciousness, although it seems more like a river of consciousness.

Goodnight or Good Morning, whichever you prefer.

(also welcome to those new followers, if you read anything from here I appreciate it.)