Yo-Yo Lifestyles

Lately I've  been feeling like a Yo-Yo, constant ups and downs.  Some days I'm happy and confident, and others I am miserable and picking at myself for every little thing. Today is one of the latter days, I feel that I'm too fat, I'm ugly and that no one likes me because I'm too up front and honest.  It seems everyone is going on with their lives and leaving me behind. Like in those videos where people are blurring past, but there is one person in the center just standing there. That's me, the girl standing in the middle looking scared and confused. I know that the only thing I can do is pick myself up and not let it get to me. I just need to create my own blur. I can start eating right again, and exercising. I can go to the doctor to get back on my medicine to get rid of my acne, and shut my over analytical mind up. Its true that I'm my worst enemy, its time I nip this in the bud, before it gets worse. 

So Much Free Time, So Many Thoughts...

I'm currently without a job and without a thing to do.  I'm alone for most of the days, and that allows for a lot of time to think. Thinking can be a dangerous practice. Sometimes I can mentally pick at myself until I'm in tears.  Other times I convince myself of things that aren't necessarily true. Lately I've been thinking about relationships a lot. What it takes to have a relationship that works. The first thing I think is that it all starts with a good friendship. If you are good friends everything else is just a bonus on top of the friendship. I can't think of anything better than being in a relationship with my best friend (figuratively speaking, I am not in love with my best friend lol). With a friendship comes the open conversations, honesty, and the give and take that all relationships need to survive. To be honest, I don't even really know why I've been thinking about it so much. I'm single, I have been single for a very long time.  I don't know if I'm just waiting for the right guy, or if perhaps its still not time. I'm waiting, trying to be patient, I know things will work out when its time, but all the waiting is starting to take its toll. I'm terrified that I'm going to be waiting forever. What if prince charming doesn't rescue the princess from the tower? What if all my thoughts mean nothing, just fairy tale ideas that I cling to in order to make it through another day. I'm not the kind of girl to wait for prince charming to rescue me, but rescuing myself leaves me alone. And that is a very scary place to be.