New Year, New Me?

I need to change. I won't be happy with myself if I don't. Things like exercising and changing my diet will be a piece of cake compared to the one thing I need to do for my emotional well being. I have to let go. I keep saying that I'm over it, mostly out of anger and jealousy. But I have yet to actually let go. There is a part of me that is terrified that if I let go, I'll be losing out on something wonderful. However, I can't just sit around waiting for someone to "come to their senses". I let go off one love, and things couldn't be better between us (well I guess he could have chosen me and I wouldn't be having to worry about this other guy but you know what I mean).  I need to find a way to do the same with this guy, he seems happy. I should let go, and let myself be happy for once. 

I'm So Excited...

Next year is going to be amazing. This year was a hard year of changing, and 2009 I'll reap the benefits of all my hard work and pain. I've never been this excited for a new year. I know it will be amazing, all the things I will do..... time for a goal list:

1.) Don't hold myself back, if I want to do something, I'll do it. 

2.) Lose weight, 2009 is the year for a healthy me. 

3.) Create art that I love. 

4.) Have a good time, and stop worrying so much about what might happen.

I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season and a Happy New Year. 

Next Mountain to Climb...

... *deep sigh* I've been all about change this year and I think its time to tackle one more thing this year so that I might be a little bit more balanced adult. This is probably going to be the hardest change for me to make because it isn't something I knowingly do. I have to learn to trust men. There isn't a single guy in my life that hasn't let me down at one time or another. From the time my parents first got divorced down to my most recent heartache I've never trusted a guy to not hurt me. I don't know if it is because of my mothers relationships with men or what exactly, but I know this is something that I need to confront now. I'm not sure how exactly to go about this, so if you have any ideas let me know. 

Well, Glad We Sorted That Out...

and of course by we I mean me. I hate that guys can't be bothered to be put in an awkward conversation. I guess its better this way. I know that you can't have the awkward conversations that so often come up in life, and I know that I shouldn't waste my time pretending you're the one. It wasn't fair to either of us, all it ended up doing was making me waste time and emotions on you. Its not fair for you to be my inspiration for moving forward, that was a lot of pressure.  Glad I was there for you to use. I'll be there when she's gone, to make you feel like an asshole and idiot. Because I am amazing, and I'm getting better each day.  Change is wonderful, you taught me that.  

P.S. This is the official end of my crush.  Go get married like the other did.