I don't know what happened...

... it seems as if I've turned into this miserable person. I don't know how to get back to the way I was before. I don't want to be the girl I've become, miserable, bursting into tears out of nowhere. I sense that my friends are shying away from me, not because they don't care, but because they don't know what to do, and seeing me in this miserable state worries them. Part of me wonders if I should be committed, no one should be this sad. The glimmer of what was is still there, refusing to let me give up just yet. I've got so much potential, will love be the death of me? I wish I could figure out how to get back to where I was before all this happened. 

Just Like All I Loved, I'm Make-believe

I'm wondering if I made things out to be more than they really were. Now I'm crying over something that never was. I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. Actually I do, I want love so bad I'm willing to make it up. I'm surrounded by happy couples and it kills me. So I figure if I find someone to have a crush on everything will be better. Not true. I'm trying everything I can to stay composed, but all this hiding of emotions, lonely-ness and jealousy is going to implode soon. 

Love Love Kiss Kiss

This song hits way too close to home. Especially: "All you want is someone there, and all you say is, "So what"; because thats what it seems like I'm doing to myself. I'm trying to convince myself that being single is the best plan for me right now even though I really want nothing more than to have someone special. Another part pulls at my heart strings as well; Well do you find you like to fall in love with people that you're never gonna meet?"  My argument has always been that I'm not staying in Kansas and I'm scared that if I find someone here that I might get stuck here. So I'll pick guy friends off my space and fall for them. I always seem so sure about these guys, but they seem to end up breaking my heart despite the distance. Maybe I should give Kansas guys a chance, although that fear of getting stuck in Kansas is still with me. I'm so lost with this whole subject, I wish someone would come make me believe again.